The time has come for me to say goodbye. I know endings are difficult, especially when they are unexpected and ill-timed. For some of you, the discontinuation of this blog could be unsettling, perhaps enraging. and i get that. No one wants goodness to end.
However, Seattlite has run its course. It has been a good blog and has been my companion through many difficult seasons. but this will be my final posting on my Seattlite blog...
...because I have started a new one! I am no longer a Seattlite, I am a Nashvillian. I live in the Music City, not the Emerald one. And my blogging is taking a new direction, as am I.
if you are interested, you may now find my musings at: http://akounsage.tumblr.com/
thanks for reading along...and i hope to see you at my 'alternate location'.
adios amigos!
tlk
Monday, June 13, 2011
weird dude
Sooo...there's this guy...
Let's call him 'Weird Dude'. Because that is what he is.
Totally freaking weird.
He showed up about a month ago while I was staining my back deck. I live across the street from a church with a fairly large lawn and I noticed a random guy sunbathing on the lawn in a chair pointed directly at my deck. He was wearing denim shorts, socks, and was drinking beer out of a pitcher. Every 20 minutes or so he would orgasmically yell out "Oh, it feels so amazing out here". i kid you not. i put on a pair of sunglasses so i could stare at him without being COMPLETELY obvious about it. Every once-in-a-while (*just* about the time I would bend over), out came his camera phone. i would bet money on the fact that he was taking pictures of me. Creepy McCreeperson.
I finished staining for the day and went inside. When I came back out to wash my paintbrush he was gone. I had no idea where he had disappeared to, or if he even lived in my neighborhood. I figured he may have been a random guest of someone on my block and decided to forget about it.
The next weekend came around. cue the Weird Dude. I was out on my deck potting some flowers and all of a sudden I heard, "Oh God, it's feels so good out here!!" I immediately froze. He had announced his return. Denim shorts, camera phone--the whole nine yards. I promptly went inside for the afternoon, but frequently checked on him from my kitchen window. Where did he come from?! Was he mentally insane?!! Why was he laying out in denim shorts?
so many questions.
Frustrated, I decided to do some reconn with my next door neighbor who seems to know EVERYTHING about everyone in our neighborhood, including the new "lesbian couple living two doors down", (he made sure to say in a whisper). I pointed out Weird Guy to him but he had never seen him before. We both just stood and stared across the street at him for a minute..."denim shorts," my neighbor whispered. "I know," I said, shaking my head.
Today, however, Weird Guy took things to a new level. Once again he showed up out of the blue, but this time he had ROLLED UP his denim shorts into a denim brief. (what could possibly be more uncomfortable?) Then he pulled a guitar out of nowhere and started playing TERRIBLE country songs that I'm positive he wrote himself. I left home to get a massage and run a few errands...and when I pulled into my driveway 3 hours later he was STILL there playing his guitar and singing at the top of his lungs. As I got out of my car I heard the lyric "kissing while the frogs looked on" and I almost peed my pants.
what. in. the. world.
I promptly went inside to get my camera. This needed to be documented. Typically, Weird Dude faces the direction of my house but when I got back from my errands he had his back to me. i still managed to score a couple good shots.
Let's call him 'Weird Dude'. Because that is what he is.
Totally freaking weird.
He showed up about a month ago while I was staining my back deck. I live across the street from a church with a fairly large lawn and I noticed a random guy sunbathing on the lawn in a chair pointed directly at my deck. He was wearing denim shorts, socks, and was drinking beer out of a pitcher. Every 20 minutes or so he would orgasmically yell out "Oh, it feels so amazing out here". i kid you not. i put on a pair of sunglasses so i could stare at him without being COMPLETELY obvious about it. Every once-in-a-while (*just* about the time I would bend over), out came his camera phone. i would bet money on the fact that he was taking pictures of me. Creepy McCreeperson.
I finished staining for the day and went inside. When I came back out to wash my paintbrush he was gone. I had no idea where he had disappeared to, or if he even lived in my neighborhood. I figured he may have been a random guest of someone on my block and decided to forget about it.
The next weekend came around. cue the Weird Dude. I was out on my deck potting some flowers and all of a sudden I heard, "Oh God, it's feels so good out here!!" I immediately froze. He had announced his return. Denim shorts, camera phone--the whole nine yards. I promptly went inside for the afternoon, but frequently checked on him from my kitchen window. Where did he come from?! Was he mentally insane?!! Why was he laying out in denim shorts?
so many questions.
Frustrated, I decided to do some reconn with my next door neighbor who seems to know EVERYTHING about everyone in our neighborhood, including the new "lesbian couple living two doors down", (he made sure to say in a whisper). I pointed out Weird Guy to him but he had never seen him before. We both just stood and stared across the street at him for a minute..."denim shorts," my neighbor whispered. "I know," I said, shaking my head.
Today, however, Weird Guy took things to a new level. Once again he showed up out of the blue, but this time he had ROLLED UP his denim shorts into a denim brief. (what could possibly be more uncomfortable?) Then he pulled a guitar out of nowhere and started playing TERRIBLE country songs that I'm positive he wrote himself. I left home to get a massage and run a few errands...and when I pulled into my driveway 3 hours later he was STILL there playing his guitar and singing at the top of his lungs. As I got out of my car I heard the lyric "kissing while the frogs looked on" and I almost peed my pants.
what. in. the. world.
I promptly went inside to get my camera. This needed to be documented. Typically, Weird Dude faces the direction of my house but when I got back from my errands he had his back to me. i still managed to score a couple good shots.
the denim brief
the horrible, awful singing
In spite of all my spying, once again, he managed to sneak away without me noticing. So, either there's a time travel portal in the lawn across the street that Weird Dude uses once a week...or I've got a serious problem on my hands. I was hoping the cicadas would eat him but they are all dead now, so there's that. I will be away next weekend so I will undoubtedly miss next week's performance, but I can guarantee you that the next time I see him I will be taking more pictures. and, of course, posting them on my blog.
Goodnight, Weird Dude, wherever you are.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The Birds
What I DO know is that my moccasins led me to a bird's nest that had fallen from a tree. There it was, laying sweetly on the ground and I thought to myself, "Surely, this must be an omen of some kind...I mean, I'm wearing moccasins, for Pete's sake". I let Miss D investigate the nest before picking it up and walking home. All the way home, I got really excited imagining all that the nest could symbolize: a fruitful financial year, unexpected travel plans, an Indian Summer...who knows? I got home and promptly got on the internet to find out what my bird's nest symbolized and here is what I discovered:
Finding a bird's nest is "A much vaunted discovery, which later turns out to be illusory or worthless".
awesome. it gets even better.
"The 'proper' meaning has it that finding a nest is imagining that one has found something remarkable when in fact one has found nothing of the sort."
double awesome.
Yes, I was disappointed that the nest was not an omen guaranteeing me a big check in the mail, however, the more I thought about it, the more I realized this experience actually represents the way in which I live my life: I risk putting myself out on a limb, hoping that I am on the verge of finding something remarkable...but often end up with nothing of the sort. I can't even begin to describe how painful, at times, it is to live this way. especially in the midst of so much 'unremarkability'. You would think I would learn. You would think that I would climb down and sit in a Lazy Boy recliner and zone out and watch TV. But I can't. I'm just not built that way.
As I looked around one last time for something remotely positive that a bird's nest could symbolize, I found a page about birds that stated "In many cases birds symbolise your thoughts about the future and the possibility that something may or may not happen." Bingo. It's not the mere presence of the bird/nest/etc...it's what you do with it. When you dream of a crow it's generally seen as a bad omen; your deepest self is convinced that something bad is going to happen. When you find a nest at the foot of a tree, the ability to hope that it will lead to something good reveals a deep resiliancy and desire for things to be well. I have a heart that genuinely longs for life, for something remarkable. And it is because I have stood in the face of so much less than that that I am resilient. not cold. not closed up. but open to the possibility that as I (once again) inch out on a limb, this might just be the time that I find something truly extraordinary.
My Art History Professor always said to take pictures of a sculpture next to something for scale.
So, here you have the nest AND my moccasin.
All will be well,
and all will be well,
and all manner of things will be well.
- Julian of Norwich-
tlk
Hair of the Dog: #2
I am Miss Dottie's hair stylist. I used to be her wardrobe stylist, but lately she's been refusing to wear clothing of any kind. It's kind of embarrassing, walking around with a naked dog. Anyhoo, it was definitely time for a hair cut and I have decided to include the before and after pictures of her dramatic make-over. Her hair had gotten so shaggy that her nickname went from 'little bear' to 'little billy goat' (note: her massive beard in the picture below). Again, very embarrassing. I have decided to include her internal thoughts underneath each picture:
"(sigh)"
"Momma's back! Whad'ya think of me now, cicadas?!!"
Monday, May 16, 2011
the gals
I just spent a long weekend at the beach with some of my best friends and this girls weekend could NOT have been better timed or better executed. I have an unbelievable story to report involving an annoying stranger in a pink bikini, her "best" friend, too much beer, too much sun, a handful of geriatrics, and a large trash bag...but i'm too tired to write it all out so pictures will have to do for now.
the requisite stand-on-the-balcony-with-miss-dottie shot.
more to come.
tlk
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Detox: Week 6
a picture of me in happier times-- when i could eat whatever the heck i wanted.
boo. hiss.
basically, i was so pissed i lost weight that i didn't keep track of my meals in my "meal book" and i broke the meal plan two nights this week. i was sick of restraining myself from eating foods that i love AND losing weight.
not. good.
(note: the two nights i broke the meal plan i consumed alcohol, multiple servings of dairy, sugar, corn, and non-approved carbs...and both nights i ended up with a raging headache...also not good).
one of the nights i broke the meal plan i danced for close to an hour with a devastatingly handsome man...only to have my friend pull me aside and tell me he was wearing a wedding ring. auuuggghhh...apparently refined sugar affects my vision and gives me peripheral neuropathy. i promptly bid my dance partner adieu.
important things i learned this week:
1. when i break the meal plan, i feel like crap
2. i should probably stop trusting devastatingly handsome musicians who play lead guitar in a band currently on tour.
so, i'm back in the saddle.
hopefully i won't shoot the horse before the next week is over.
tlk
Monday, February 28, 2011
Detox: Week 5
Monday: noticed my pants getting looser and looser...this could be due to the fact that either i need to wash them...or my butt is getting undeniably smaller...
Tuesday: tried looking at my butt in the mirror from various angles to verify its shrinkage. threw my neck out.
Wednesday: watched everyone at staff meeting eat a strawberry cake to celebrate february birthdays. felt grossed out by all the sugar they were eating. felt very self-righteous. felt my stomach growl. reminded myself that i don't even like strawberry cake in the first place. felt ambivalent.
Thursday: nothing significant to report. noticed this is not the first time nothing significant has happened on a thursday. wondered if i spend most thursdays in some sort of dissociated state...
Friday: met with my nutritionist for my 5 week weigh in. the results are a follows:
right thigh: lost 1 inch
left thigh: lost 1 inch
hips: lost 1 1/2 inches
waist: lost 2 inches
current weight: 110...for a weight loss total of 6 pounds.
emotional state: pissed off that after ALL the eating and weight
lifting i've done, i LOST weight.
i think my nutritionist FINALLY believes me when i say that i have a hard time gaining weight. let's face it, i have a hard time just maintaining my weight without accidentally losing some every once and a while. she could tell i was pissed. i tried to use i statements in attempts to not blame her for the loss of 6 very precious pounds:
Me: I feel really frustrated that after all this work, i lost weight.
Nutritionist: (irritatingly energetic) Well, girl, we'll just need you to eat MORE!!!!!
Me: I am sick of eating. I already feel like it's a part time job.
Nutritionist: Well, do you have any suggestions??!!!
Me: I would like to eat chocolate milkshakes...and french fries...and peppermint Joe Joe's from Trader Joe's.
Nutritionist: Nope!!!!! We're gonna give you more PROTEIN, more CARBS, and i'll let you have dairy a WHOLE WEEK EARLY!!!!!!!!
Me: (i feel like strangling you)...would a chocolate shake count as a serving of dairy?
Nutritionist: Nope!!!!!
Me: i hate this.
So...more protein, double the carbs and add one serving of dairy each day. If that doesn't add some weight by the next weigh-in, she is going to put me on the same meal plan she puts men on for my body type. awesome.
Saturday: went to a cupcake decorating class...complete with cream cheese icing. contemplated eating a cupcake just to stick it to my nutritionist. worried about the sugar spike and crash that would inevitably follow eating that much sugar after going 5 weeks without it. drank a lot of champagne instead.
Sunday: ate, ate, ate, ate, ate....watched Anne Hathaway make a COMPLETE fool of herself hosting the Oscars. felt very self righteous. reminded myself that i never really liked Anne Hathaway in the first place. felt a little bit better.
Tuesday: tried looking at my butt in the mirror from various angles to verify its shrinkage. threw my neck out.
Wednesday: watched everyone at staff meeting eat a strawberry cake to celebrate february birthdays. felt grossed out by all the sugar they were eating. felt very self-righteous. felt my stomach growl. reminded myself that i don't even like strawberry cake in the first place. felt ambivalent.
Thursday: nothing significant to report. noticed this is not the first time nothing significant has happened on a thursday. wondered if i spend most thursdays in some sort of dissociated state...
Friday: met with my nutritionist for my 5 week weigh in. the results are a follows:
right thigh: lost 1 inch
left thigh: lost 1 inch
hips: lost 1 1/2 inches
waist: lost 2 inches
current weight: 110...for a weight loss total of 6 pounds.
emotional state: pissed off that after ALL the eating and weight
lifting i've done, i LOST weight.
i think my nutritionist FINALLY believes me when i say that i have a hard time gaining weight. let's face it, i have a hard time just maintaining my weight without accidentally losing some every once and a while. she could tell i was pissed. i tried to use i statements in attempts to not blame her for the loss of 6 very precious pounds:
Me: I feel really frustrated that after all this work, i lost weight.
Nutritionist: (irritatingly energetic) Well, girl, we'll just need you to eat MORE!!!!!
Me: I am sick of eating. I already feel like it's a part time job.
Nutritionist: Well, do you have any suggestions??!!!
Me: I would like to eat chocolate milkshakes...and french fries...and peppermint Joe Joe's from Trader Joe's.
Nutritionist: Nope!!!!! We're gonna give you more PROTEIN, more CARBS, and i'll let you have dairy a WHOLE WEEK EARLY!!!!!!!!
Me: (i feel like strangling you)...would a chocolate shake count as a serving of dairy?
Nutritionist: Nope!!!!!
Me: i hate this.
So...more protein, double the carbs and add one serving of dairy each day. If that doesn't add some weight by the next weigh-in, she is going to put me on the same meal plan she puts men on for my body type. awesome.
Saturday: went to a cupcake decorating class...complete with cream cheese icing. contemplated eating a cupcake just to stick it to my nutritionist. worried about the sugar spike and crash that would inevitably follow eating that much sugar after going 5 weeks without it. drank a lot of champagne instead.
Sunday: ate, ate, ate, ate, ate....watched Anne Hathaway make a COMPLETE fool of herself hosting the Oscars. felt very self righteous. reminded myself that i never really liked Anne Hathaway in the first place. felt a little bit better.
until next week,
tlk
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Kids say the darndest things: #3
Kid: do you know who invented homework?
Me: ...i think it was a teacher who lived a long time ago.
Kid: i really wish i knew who it was.
Me: what would you do if you knew?
Kid: well, i'd get my dad to drive me to her house. then i'd shoot her.
Me: wow. you really don't like homework.
Kid: yep.
Kid: no silly, in Africa!
Me: hmmm...honestly, i have no idea if owls live in Savannah, Africa.
Kid: i'll ask my dad.
Me: ...i think it was a teacher who lived a long time ago.
Kid: i really wish i knew who it was.
Me: what would you do if you knew?
Kid: well, i'd get my dad to drive me to her house. then i'd shoot her.
Me: wow. you really don't like homework.
Kid: yep.
Kid: Do you know if owls live in Savannah?
Me: Georgia?Kid: no silly, in Africa!
Me: hmmm...honestly, i have no idea if owls live in Savannah, Africa.
Kid: i'll ask my dad.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Detox: Week 4
Monday: treated myself to a new haircut to compliment my new-ish body. i have to say, i feel pretty fabulous. AND i didn't eat one single piece of valentine's candy given to me throughout the day. miracles do happen.
Tuesday: went to dinner at Sonic with a group from work. in spite of multiple eyes rolled, i asked everyone at the table to describe (in great detail) what they had ordered...down to the hamburger toppings. then i salivated for approximately 30 minutes, non-stop.
Wednesday: noticed that multiple pairs of pants were baggy...hmmm...the whole point of this meal plan was to GAIN weight. i'm trying to tell myself that my body is getting lean...and that i don't really need to eat french fries and milkshakes in order to gain weight. but i'm gonna need to double check that with my nutritionist.
Thursday: nothing significant to report.
Friday: talked with a friend who sees the same nutritionist. she told me that the meal plan allows for 4 oz of red wine each day. this would have been wonderful news, except the fact that red wine turns my colon into a raging inferno. maybe i could have 4 oz of tequila/day instead. probably should run this by my nutritionist as well.
Saturday: while wandering the aisles at Trader Joe's looking for a particular meat item, an incredibly attractive Trader Joe's worker dude (IATJWD) came up to me and asked if I needed help with anything:
Me: Yes! I need help finding your sausage.
IATJWD: ...(pause)......(blink)......(pause)...
Me: (oh jeez)
IATJWD: ...(blush)......(pause)...
Me: you know, the chicken sausage with spinach and roasted garlic inside of it.
IATJWD: oh yeah! sure. that's in the refrigerated meat section. follow me; i'll show you.
we chatted for a few minutes and he told me all the different ways that he has "prepared the sausage". i barely held it together enough to speak properly. when he asked if i needed help getting a shopping cart, i thanked him, told him i already had one, and quickly scampered off. it was ALMOST as embarrassing as the time i went to Home Depot and asked a group of male employees who I "needed to talk to about finding some caulk"...(say it out loud, you'll get there...).
Sunday: successfully navigated eating out while staying true to the meal plan (MUCH harder than you'd think). spent time with friends. loved the warm weather. enjoyed a much-needed Sabbath.
Tuesday: went to dinner at Sonic with a group from work. in spite of multiple eyes rolled, i asked everyone at the table to describe (in great detail) what they had ordered...down to the hamburger toppings. then i salivated for approximately 30 minutes, non-stop.
Wednesday: noticed that multiple pairs of pants were baggy...hmmm...the whole point of this meal plan was to GAIN weight. i'm trying to tell myself that my body is getting lean...and that i don't really need to eat french fries and milkshakes in order to gain weight. but i'm gonna need to double check that with my nutritionist.
Thursday: nothing significant to report.
Friday: talked with a friend who sees the same nutritionist. she told me that the meal plan allows for 4 oz of red wine each day. this would have been wonderful news, except the fact that red wine turns my colon into a raging inferno. maybe i could have 4 oz of tequila/day instead. probably should run this by my nutritionist as well.
Saturday: while wandering the aisles at Trader Joe's looking for a particular meat item, an incredibly attractive Trader Joe's worker dude (IATJWD) came up to me and asked if I needed help with anything:
Me: Yes! I need help finding your sausage.
IATJWD: ...(pause)......(blink)......(pause)...
Me: (oh jeez)
IATJWD: ...(blush)......(pause)...
Me: you know, the chicken sausage with spinach and roasted garlic inside of it.
IATJWD: oh yeah! sure. that's in the refrigerated meat section. follow me; i'll show you.
we chatted for a few minutes and he told me all the different ways that he has "prepared the sausage". i barely held it together enough to speak properly. when he asked if i needed help getting a shopping cart, i thanked him, told him i already had one, and quickly scampered off. it was ALMOST as embarrassing as the time i went to Home Depot and asked a group of male employees who I "needed to talk to about finding some caulk"...(say it out loud, you'll get there...).
Sunday: successfully navigated eating out while staying true to the meal plan (MUCH harder than you'd think). spent time with friends. loved the warm weather. enjoyed a much-needed Sabbath.
tlk
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Detox: Week 3
Monday: woke up early to workout with my trainer/nutritionist. i was feeling MUCH better but after being in bed for the better part of 10 days, i was expecting to hobble through most of the workout. after we were done, my trainer said that she could tell that i am in good shape and that i "held my own". holla.
Tuesday: back to the grindstone. working hard on gaining weight.
Wednesday: have gotten to the point that my protein shakes taste like real chocolate milkshakes that i actually look FORWARD to drinking. this makes me want to celebrate and cry, at the same time.
Thursday: am noticing that the same food rules apply to miss dottie and me: no chocolate, no dairy, no alcohol. thank GOD i'm allowed to eat people food...and that i didn't have my uterus removed when i was 6 months old.
Friday: went shopping with a friend. as we were walking through Macy's...
Me: so...do i look any bigger (as i attempted to position my body in a way that made me look bulkier)?
Friend: Ummm....
Me: just say it.
Friend: not really. but you'll get there! for now keep modeling the sweaters for me; they look better on small people.
Me: (sigh)...ok
Saturday: worked out on the rowing machine at the gym. totally kicked high schooler's butt who was rowing next to me. it. was. awesome.
Sunday: the sun was out and it was not freezing outside. i opened all the windows, took miss d to the dog park, and spent the day enjoying life in a body that is feeling much more at peace.
Tuesday: back to the grindstone. working hard on gaining weight.
Wednesday: have gotten to the point that my protein shakes taste like real chocolate milkshakes that i actually look FORWARD to drinking. this makes me want to celebrate and cry, at the same time.
Thursday: am noticing that the same food rules apply to miss dottie and me: no chocolate, no dairy, no alcohol. thank GOD i'm allowed to eat people food...and that i didn't have my uterus removed when i was 6 months old.
Friday: went shopping with a friend. as we were walking through Macy's...
Me: so...do i look any bigger (as i attempted to position my body in a way that made me look bulkier)?
Friend: Ummm....
Me: just say it.
Friend: not really. but you'll get there! for now keep modeling the sweaters for me; they look better on small people.
Me: (sigh)...ok
Saturday: worked out on the rowing machine at the gym. totally kicked high schooler's butt who was rowing next to me. it. was. awesome.
Sunday: the sun was out and it was not freezing outside. i opened all the windows, took miss d to the dog park, and spent the day enjoying life in a body that is feeling much more at peace.
looks like the detox/meal plan might not be the second worst decision i've ever made after all.
tlk
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Detox: Week 2
Monday: woke up and could barely speak, called in sick to work, called my doctor who called in an antibiotic to the pharmacy. when picking up the prescription, also bought gummy multivitamins and chewable chocolate calcium supplements (to trick my body into thinking it gets 2 pieces of candy each day). started antibiotics...got raging diarrhea. awesome.
Tuesday: dragged myself into work, croaked out some words, mostly ate according to the meal plan, dragged myself home.
Wednesday: still sick...spent 5 hours at the doctor's office while they tried to figure out why my body wasn't responding to antibiotics. after scratching his head about 10 times, my doc finally said...
Doc: well...it might be a case of inhalation chlamydia...
Me: ex-CUSE me?!!
Doc: inhalation...
Me: yep, DEFINITELY heard you the first time. listen. to. me. i haven't even been in the same room with a man that i've found remotely attractive in over a year...so it's safe to say there's NO WAY i have chlamydia of any kind.
Doc: well, inhalation chlamydia isn't transmitted sexually.
Me: there has GOT to be a better name for it then...(lord, help me!)
Doc: i'm not saying you DO have it, i just don't know why you are not getting better...
Me: (sigh)...
he put me on a z-pack and lortab cough syrup. the z-pack helped a little. the lortab helped a lot ;)
Thursday: back to work again, haven't even thought about sugar in days, tried to eat 5 meals in spite of a non-existent appetite.
Friday: worked, throat still sore, keeping up with the meal plan, miss dottie had a major diarrhea blowout in the front office at work for which i got in MAJOR trouble...(jeez)...
Saturday: had dinner with friends and didn't feel like ripping everyone's heads off as i quietly watched them all eat dessert. progress.
Sunday: spent most of the day in bed sleeping and kicking the last of my throat virus in the butt, haven't craved sugar in days, glad that, in spite of a raging virus, i did not break the meal plan by eating any 'non-allowables'...(whew)...
Tuesday: dragged myself into work, croaked out some words, mostly ate according to the meal plan, dragged myself home.
Wednesday: still sick...spent 5 hours at the doctor's office while they tried to figure out why my body wasn't responding to antibiotics. after scratching his head about 10 times, my doc finally said...
Doc: well...it might be a case of inhalation chlamydia...
Me: ex-CUSE me?!!
Doc: inhalation...
Me: yep, DEFINITELY heard you the first time. listen. to. me. i haven't even been in the same room with a man that i've found remotely attractive in over a year...so it's safe to say there's NO WAY i have chlamydia of any kind.
Doc: well, inhalation chlamydia isn't transmitted sexually.
Me: there has GOT to be a better name for it then...(lord, help me!)
Doc: i'm not saying you DO have it, i just don't know why you are not getting better...
Me: (sigh)...
he put me on a z-pack and lortab cough syrup. the z-pack helped a little. the lortab helped a lot ;)
Thursday: back to work again, haven't even thought about sugar in days, tried to eat 5 meals in spite of a non-existent appetite.
Friday: worked, throat still sore, keeping up with the meal plan, miss dottie had a major diarrhea blowout in the front office at work for which i got in MAJOR trouble...(jeez)...
Saturday: had dinner with friends and didn't feel like ripping everyone's heads off as i quietly watched them all eat dessert. progress.
Sunday: spent most of the day in bed sleeping and kicking the last of my throat virus in the butt, haven't craved sugar in days, glad that, in spite of a raging virus, i did not break the meal plan by eating any 'non-allowables'...(whew)...
more next week.
tlk
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Detox: Week 1
Monday: got up at 9, started the food plan, worked out, ate, ate, ate...already sick of the food plan, I e-mailed my nutritionist to find out when I get a day off the plan. she e-mailed back: "in 8 weeks".
Tuesday: successfully fought the urge to steal a french fry from the Happy Meal a client left in my office while she went to the restroom...
Wednesday: watched the rest of the staff eat a big-ass chocolate cake while celebrating Dec/Jan birthdays, tried to rationalize how to document the cake as a serving of protein on my meal plan sheet, gave up and glared at everyone instead.
Thursday: i have absolutely no memory of thursday because i was thinking about cupcakes, McDonalds, ice-cream, and candy cane Joe-Joe's from Trader Joe's.
Friday: day 5 without sugar. was a complete bitch to the 16-year-old-just-doing-his-job dude at the movie theater who wouldn't let me take my nalgene of water in with me. went home after the movie, broke my diet and ate dried apricots dipped in nutella to take the edge off. it worked (thank GOD) and i slept like a baby.
Saturday: woke up feeling like someone had taken a razor to my throat. spent the day in bed nursing my sore throat and staying away from sugar.
Sunday: throat still sore, feeling some pain in my left flank...wondering if this is reason enough to quit the meal plan...
Pro's: drastic increase in energy level, sleeping better at night, feeding my body fuel instead of sugar.
Con's: I MISS SUGAR!!!...and my throat is sore...
Tuesday: successfully fought the urge to steal a french fry from the Happy Meal a client left in my office while she went to the restroom...
Wednesday: watched the rest of the staff eat a big-ass chocolate cake while celebrating Dec/Jan birthdays, tried to rationalize how to document the cake as a serving of protein on my meal plan sheet, gave up and glared at everyone instead.
Thursday: i have absolutely no memory of thursday because i was thinking about cupcakes, McDonalds, ice-cream, and candy cane Joe-Joe's from Trader Joe's.
Friday: day 5 without sugar. was a complete bitch to the 16-year-old-just-doing-his-job dude at the movie theater who wouldn't let me take my nalgene of water in with me. went home after the movie, broke my diet and ate dried apricots dipped in nutella to take the edge off. it worked (thank GOD) and i slept like a baby.
Saturday: woke up feeling like someone had taken a razor to my throat. spent the day in bed nursing my sore throat and staying away from sugar.
Sunday: throat still sore, feeling some pain in my left flank...wondering if this is reason enough to quit the meal plan...
Pro's: drastic increase in energy level, sleeping better at night, feeding my body fuel instead of sugar.
Con's: I MISS SUGAR!!!...and my throat is sore...
Will keep you posted on week two.
tlk
Detoxification
So...i'm doing a detox. and it is torture. I have been wanting more balance in my life and my eating, sleeping, and exercise habits are are all currently unbalanced. I am a night owl with *fairly* strong insomniac tendencies and my sleep schedule (or complete lack there-of) strongly affects my appetite, the food I eat, the energy I have throughout the day, and the amount of exercising I do. As you can imagine, these imbalances have created a significant problem over the course of this past year.
My New Year's resolution was to restore order to my body, so 10 days ago I went to see my physician and met with a nutritionist. My physician reported that I am in good health, but emphasized that I need to gain some weight (story of my life). My nutritionist, on the other hand, rocked my world. The look of horror on her face as I rattled off my daily sleep/eat schedule should have clued me in to the fact that MAJOR changes were about to be imposed.Major changes are as follows:
1. go to bed at midnight.
2. wake up at 9am...(no matter what time i actually fall asleep the night before).
3. cardio and resistance three times a week (which I already do, so no biggie).
4. eat an UNGOLDY amount of food everyday.
I won't bore you with the details of the food plan, except to say that I eat 5 times a day and can't remember a time when I've eaten this much. AND here are all the things I can't consume for a minimum of 4 weeks: alcohol, dairy, sugar, corn (apparently it's all sugar), bananas and apples (yep, again the sugar) or anything processed. This knocks out about 90% of what I had been eating. Oh, but I CAN eat all the vegetables that I want. awesome. let the torture begin.
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