My heart will go on

So, this past week marked the ending of an era, and I feel foolish that I let it slip by without proper acknowledgment. But better late than never. After 5 long years, Celine Dion took her bows in Las Vegas as her show A New Day ended its run at The Colosseum at Caesar's Palace.
Now some may find this incredibly odd (with the exception of my friend, Julia), but I have a surprising appreciation for Celine Dion. Yes, she's got some quirk in her, she's married to a geriatric, and has absolutely no idea how to dress herself properly for the red carpet, but the woman's got pipes. There's just no arguing that.
Anyway, somewhere along the line I promised myself that I'd make it to Vegas to see her show, but apparently I lost track of time, so I never made it. However, rumor has it that she's coming to Seattle next year, and I can guarantee that I'm taking myself (and dragging SJY) down to the Key Arena so I can weep in person as she sings It's All Comin' Back to me Now at the top of her lungs (and you KNOW she will).
So, peace out, Celine. See ya next year.

Crumbs

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers by Emily Dickinson.

I've read through this poem quite a bit lately. I agree with Dickinson that hope is penetrating and insistent; we feel its presence even when we cannot find words to express it. Yet I find that I struggle with the last two lines of the poem. Dickinson seems to imply that hope simply "is" without asking anything of or from us in return. I disagree. Vehemently. I think that hope asks much of us. In fact, maintaining a posture of anticipation, of longing, of the not-yet often requires all that I am.

One of our administrators uses honey bees to illustrate this notion. I'll attempt to paraphrase- While the majority of the honey bees in a hive are maintaining the food supply or are droning about, roughly 5-10% of the honey bees are scout bees that forge ahead to explore new food sources and potential hive locations. When the food supply runs low or another queen takes over, the bees have a greater chance at survival because these scouts have already laid plans to relocate. The entire future of the hive depends on their dedication. However, the job of a scout bee is very dangerous as they are exposed to the elements of nature; many die as they search. Scout bees live in a way that continually hopes for something different and new. While their labor allows the hive to survive and bear fruit, the work of these brave bees is dangerous and asks much of them.

All that to say, I think hope asks more of us than we like to think. It's not merely a tune we hear in the background of our lives. It is, rather, the thing deep down inside all of us that begs us to live in the midst of longing, anticipation, and desire for something new. While hope is the thing that sustains life, it requires that we not only give crumbs, but that we give of ourselves. And that is asking a lot.

the beautiful left coast

I was just looking through through some random pictures and found this one of a Seattle sunset. We have some of the most beautiful that I've seen, so I thought I'd share it with you.
Enjoy

Gettin' Hitched

So, about a month ago I got hitched. SJY and I got married in Nashville, and I have to say the wedding was absolutely beautiful! People keep telling us the evening was like something out of a movie...and I have to say that I agree. The ceremony was outside by candlelight. The bridesmaids (pictured to the left) carried lanterns and there were teeny tiny candles hanging from all the trees. It was beautiful.
I was pleasantly surprised at how good everything looked, as most of my planning was done from across the country. I'll post a picture of SJY and I together in our wedding attire as soon as I get my hands on one.
SJY and I are back to the grind of school and work. We're busy busy, so we're looking forward to Thanksgiving, when we both have the day off. I'm gonna make my famous mashed potatoes and my ultra famous sweet tea. These Seattlites haven't lived until they've had my sweet tea. It's got enough sugar to grow a nasty mouth fungus, if you're not careful. Luckly, I am.
That's all for now. Hope you all are having a wonderful season of thanks-giving and are taking time to rest and be with the ones you love.

TLK-Y

Smells like Fall

So, it's fall and I'm happy. I've decided that fall is my favorite season of the year. It took me a while to settle on it, but I finally made it official this past week. And by "official", I mean that I keep gushing about how much I love fall to SJY, friends, and to total strangers in Rite Aid for that matter.
Being a native Floridian, growing up I had always thought that fall was this ugly, sort of depressing time where you got to watch everything die...and then were forced to rake up the remains from your front lawn. Since moving from Florida to more northern areas of the country, however, I have to admit that I have been romanced by the autumn season. I get excited when I see fall colors in display windows, I have at least 2 or 3 pumpkin spice candles on hand at all times, and instead of coffee, I actually order caramel apple ciders from Starbucks all year-round. I'm not kidding. Even as I write, I'm bundled up, sitting by the gas heater sipping a hot chocolate wondering how I can incorporate fall more into my home decor. SJY put a stop to the branches of berries I brought home the other day, but I'm waiting him out on this one.
Maybe it's the crisp air that I find invigorating, or perhaps it's the beginning of a new school year, complete with freshly sharpened number two pencils, that stimulates the nostalgic recesses of my mind. But I think more than meteorology or new school supplies, fall signifies, for me, a season of change, of transformation, of the possibility for something new. Perhaps it is fitting that my wedding will take place during this time. As I approach becoming a wife and all the change that that will bring, I find that I am comforted by the companionship of this fall season. We are both in the midst of a great transformation.

Top 10

So, once again it has been a while. While I have been meaning to post more frequently, time has slipped away from me and it has been 5 months since I have last written. Here are the bullet points of some of the bigger events that have taken place in my life since this past May:

1. Closed on my house and found renters to occupy it...truly, one of the most stressful experiences I have ever been through.
2. Got a raise at work (thanks to the union I'm forced to be a member of)
3. Moved downtown to lower Queen Anne.
4. Received $150 in parking tickets in the 6 weeks that I've been a resident of lower Queen Anne.
5. My car got broken into AGAIN and my cell phone got stolen (the Seattle welcome wagon continues)
6. I was released to go back to part time nursing--I work 4 hour nursing shifts and then do computer work for a couple hours.
7. In spite of being released to go back to work, I've developed tendonitis in both wrists for which I get cortisone injections and go to physical therapy.
8. Went to the lavender festival in Sequim, WA with my mom in July
9. Developed a fairly intense obsession for lavender that has only recently begun to subside.
10. I got engaged (gasp!)

Thought I'd save the best for last. Yep, it's true. SJY and I are finally gonna tie the knot. We're not sure if this means we're completely crazy, or that we've made the best decision of our lives. I'm pretty sure both are true--and that he's probably crazier than I am.
We're getting married in Nashville on October 26th. It feels a bit surreal, almost like it's not really happening to me. We started pre-marital counseling this past week, so it's sinking in fast that it's happening to me. Most of the big things are taken care of, so now we're ironing out all the little details that come with getting married...like where the heck we're gonna do with SJY's MXPX posters when he moves in. I've offered to make him a nice little binder full of all his posters that he can pull out and look at any time he wants. Not sure he's totally going for it at this point.
I feel like we could be in one of those kitchen ads where they show two totally different people, like chic meets punk rock, and they end up with great looking kitchen appliances that meet both people's needs and standards. Not that we have a great looking kitchen, at this point--we're still in the remodeling phase. I'm just saying, I feel like that's a pretty good metaphor for two people becoming one and it not being a major disaster. That's what were pulling for. I'll let you know how it goes.

TLK

negligence

Okay,
I know I promised in my last post to update more frequently, but let's get real--it takes me a while. I've accepted it, so stop shaming me. In lieu of apologies, I've decided to throw out the major life events that have happened most recently, and I will attempt to expound on them more at another time. Hopefully sooner than later.

the major events are as follows:
1. bought a house in Nashville this past weekend. Yes, I know I live in Seattle, but I'm planning on returning to Nashville and real estate is getting ridiculous there. If I don't buy now, the only thing I'll be able to afford in a couple years is a double wide...not that there's anything wrong with that...
2. The wrists are still healing. I am still on light duty and still hating it. Hopefully my doc will give me the go-ahead this week to return to nursing. If not, I may be writing my next post from a mental institution. Here's hoping...
3. Started summer classes. Yep, only a week off between spring and summer. Ain't life grand. I have class through the month of June. July and August will be spent enjoying the social life that I have had to put on the back burner this past year.
4. I recently started taking probiotics to make my intestine healthy. I affectionately call them my 'bugs'. I take approximately 4 billion bugs each day- in pill form, of course. This ain't Fear Factor. And no, 4 billion is not a typo.

Alrighty, I can't think of anything else major. Everything else is pretty much same old, same old. Hopefully this will give you a good idea of what has been going on with me lately. I'm hoping to post at least every couple weeks from now on but, again, let's get real. It may take me longer than that.

Until then, I remain affectionately yours,
TLK

the comeback kid

I have returned.

Actually, I've been back for a while, but I just keep forgetting to update my blog. That's the problem with starting a blog or a mySpace account-- you have to maintain the stupid thing. I'm the greatest at maintaining, but after suffering severe emotional abuse from various/numerous friends over my lack of recent postings, I finally remembered to write a new post.

As for the surgery, it went very well. The doctor said that my wrist cartilage wasn't completely torn, but the joint capsule was inflamed and frayed all around the edges. He went in and 'cleaned things up', whatever that means. I go to physical therapy once a week and still wear my brace like a champ. Actually, next week I will start 'brace weaning'...YIKES! I'm no longer on pain meds...but life was good when I was.

In other news, my computer has recently come down with a Trojan virus. I really have no idea what that means either, other than it's costing me about $200 to repair. I'm pretty sure I'm getting completely screwed over by the Geek Squad at Best Buy (definitely no pun intended), but with my limited computer knowledge and my severe anxiety at the thought of being apart my my laptop for any extended period of time, I reluctantly relinquished my computer to them a few days ago. I should be back up and running on my own laptop on Friday. Here's hoping...

I have many more things to post, but I'm currently downtown and heading to the sculpture park next door to school. It's actually sunny today, so I fully plan of getting a large dose of both ultraviolet rays and vitamin D. Can't get much better than that.

I promise I will post again soon. I know I promised that my last post, but this time I really mean it.

TLK

Under the Knife

Well, the day has finally arrived!

In approximately 8 hours, I will be checking in for surgery. Three months ago, I wripped my TFCC lifting a patient at work, and after three long months of wearing a ridiculous velcro-brace contraption, I am finally going under the knife.

I work at a children's hospital, so the patient I was lifting was actually not that heavy (only about 50 lbs), but I was at the wrong angle, there wasn't communication about the lift, and voila!...a wripped TFCC.

I've been on 'light duty' for the past 6 weeks or so, and I've come to realize that 'light duty' is just code for TORTURE. I've been doing date entry...in a cubilce...with one hand...for six weeks. Office Space comes to mind. I think I even submitted a TPS Report or two...

I'm built for interaction with people, for patient care...not Excel. It has really been a royal nightmare. My data entry boss asked me the other day if doing light duty has been beneficial for me in any way, other than psychologically. I wondered how to break the news to her that this light duty stint has been anything BUT psychologically beneficial. But, I bit my tongue and mumbled something about how light duty has made me feel like I'm still contributing to the big picture...or something.

My latest light duty assignment has been to confirm data about all the 2006 mortalities that took place either in the OR, or up to 48 hours post-op. Yep, NOT comfoting to read about things that have gone wrong as a result of surgery as I count down the days to my own OR encounter. So, tonight I had a good meal and a stout drink...or two...so that I don't go to sleep with visions of a large metal spatula left in my wrist post-op.

So, that's the latest. I'll probably be under the influence of some decent pain meds for a bit, so I will be out of comission for a few days (not that I'm complaining). I'll post again when I'm on the road to recovery.

OK, goodnight all.

The Bald and the Beautiful

So, I'm sure by this time you all have either heard about or have seen Britney Spears' new hair do. On the off chance that you've been living under a rock and haven't seen the evidence, take a long look at at the disturbing picture to my left. You can join the masses that are wondering when this poor girl is gonna stop making an idiot out of herself for all the world to see.

Now, while some may see this move as a serious career buster, I have come to the conclusion that the former pop princess just might have something else up her sleeve...er skanky tank top.

While many celebs spend thousands of dollars making sure their manes are fit for public appearances, there is a select minority that has done quite well for themselves being bald in Hollywood. I have taken the liberty of highlighting just a few of the many bald and beautiful individuals that have forged a path using nothing but the glare from their disturbingly shiny heads.




Take our dear friend, Mr Clean. While he looks like he shines his dome using the very same products he promotes, I have to say he's got the bulging biceps of a Gold's Gym personal trainer. I sure wouldn't want to come face to face with him in an arm-wrestling match. But I would be interested in borrowing his earring for this great nautical shirt I've got...

We all remember the Coneheads. These weird aliens taught us that it's not the freaky things on top of our heads that matter but, rather, the heart is the tie that binds. They taught us about life, love, and teamwork. But I have to admit, it's one of the most annoying movies I've ever seen.

Then we have Mr. Bigglesworth. If this doesn't make you want a kitty, I'm not sure what will. Look at how cute and cuddley this little guy is! Reminds me of when I used to cut my sister's Barbi Dolls' hair trying to get them to look like Lady Diana...and they all just ended up looking like freaks...(sigh)

Last, but certainly not least, we have our national mascot, The Bald Eagle. This is an example of a serious bald bad-ass. I sure wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley. He could probably even take down Mr. Clean.

So, there you have it. Dry your eyes, Brit Brit. Even though the majority of the country thinks you have done lost your freakin' mind, you're dangerously close to loosing your kids to K-Fed, and you've blown your shot at ever being BFF with Madonna, look on the bright side--as a baldy, you're in good company. And with the bald eagle as your ally, I'm sure you won't have to worry about the pesky paparazzi for much longer.

the ugly cry

So, here it is: my inagural blog.

I have to admit, I've been quite resistent to this whole blog thing. I've managed to ward off MySpace, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time...

Anyway, there's something about the idea of one putting one's thoughts down for anyone and everyone to look through or comment on that gives me the creeps. Maybe it's becuase my own thoughts often give me the creeps. But today, for whatever reason, I decided to begin writing my thoughts for others to see. Maybe this will only feed the voyeuristic appetites of the masses. Maybe I'm assuming way too much.

Or maybe writing is a way of confessing. Maybe it is my way of confessing. Regardless, today I feel the need to confess. I confess that I am having a very hard time grieving. I was in church this morning and for the entire 60 minues, or so, I was fighting the urge to weep. Now, I'm not referring to the weeping of a beautiful maiden waiving goodbye with her beautiful hankercheif to her beautiful love as he sails off into the beautiful sunset to fight the beautiful battles of the new world. That is weeping reserved for Lifetime Original Movies or Jane Austin novels. No, I am referring to something called the 'ulgy cry'; this is the swollen-eyed-snotty-nosed-can't-quite-catch-my-breath-beacuse-I'm-crying-so-freaking-hard-and-I-don't-think-I'll-ever-stop cry. Hopefully I'm not the only one who has experienced this.

It takes a lot of self-control to ward off the ugly cry. Part of me felt very proud of my self control. After all, who wants to look like a freak show in an mid to upper class Presbyterian church packed to the gills with people? Who wants to look like they need a major intervention, or minimally a sedative? Who wants to look like they need? Not me.

"I don't want to be needy! Who wants to be around needy people?!!" I angrily asked my counselor a few weeks ago. "Who really wants that?"
"Jesus," he said softly.

I felt the wind knocked out of me, and again found myself fighting the urge to weep.

I have not let myself need for a long time. I have grown up despising my need, for my need has left me wanting. I know that I need, but I do not let myself feel the extent of my need. Instead, I get a bachelors degree in nursing, and a masters in counseling, and spend my life tending to the needs of others. Maybe that's a way of tending to mine. Maybe it's a start. Hopefully there will soon come a day where I am not tending to my needs in the third person.

I am hoping for the day that I free myself to grieve and cry the ugliest cry I have ever known. I hope this day comes soon. For it is there, in the midst of my undeniable need, that I will know the true love and grace of Christ as he holds my tears in his hands and calls them beautiful.