Detox: Week 4

Monday: treated myself to a new haircut to compliment my new-ish body. i have to say, i feel pretty fabulous. AND i didn't eat one single piece of valentine's candy given to me throughout the day. miracles do happen.
Tuesday: went to dinner at Sonic with a group from work. in spite of multiple eyes rolled, i asked everyone at the table to describe (in great detail) what they had ordered...down to the hamburger toppings. then i salivated for approximately 30 minutes, non-stop.
Wednesday: noticed that multiple pairs of pants were baggy...hmmm...the whole point of this meal plan was to GAIN weight. i'm trying to tell myself that my body is getting lean...and that i don't really need to eat french fries and milkshakes in order to gain weight. but i'm gonna need to double check that with my nutritionist.
Thursday: nothing significant to report.
Friday: talked with a friend who sees the same nutritionist. she told me that the meal plan allows for 4 oz of red wine each day. this would have been wonderful news, except the fact that red wine turns my colon into a raging inferno. maybe i could have 4 oz of tequila/day instead. probably should run this by my nutritionist as well.
Saturday: while wandering the aisles at Trader Joe's looking for a particular meat item, an incredibly attractive Trader Joe's worker dude (IATJWD) came up to me and asked if I needed help with anything:

Me: Yes! I need help finding your sausage.
IATJWD: ...(pause)......(blink)......(pause)...
Me: (oh jeez)
IATJWD: ...(blush)......(pause)...
Me: you know, the chicken sausage with spinach and roasted garlic inside of it.
IATJWD: oh yeah! sure. that's in the refrigerated meat section. follow me; i'll show you.

we chatted for a few minutes and he told me all the different ways that he has "prepared the sausage". i barely held it together enough to speak properly. when he asked if i needed help getting a shopping cart, i thanked him, told him i already had one, and quickly scampered off. it was ALMOST as embarrassing as the time i went to Home Depot and asked a group of male employees who I "needed to talk to about finding some caulk"...(say it out loud, you'll get there...).
Sunday: successfully navigated eating out while staying true to the meal plan (MUCH harder than you'd think). spent time with friends. loved the warm weather. enjoyed a much-needed Sabbath.

tlk

Detox: Week 3

Monday: woke up early to workout with my trainer/nutritionist. i was feeling MUCH better but after being in bed for the better part of 10 days, i was expecting to hobble through most of the workout. after we were done, my trainer said that she could tell that i am in good shape and that i "held my own". holla.
Tuesday: back to the grindstone. working hard on gaining weight.
Wednesday: have gotten to the point that my protein shakes taste like real chocolate milkshakes that i actually look FORWARD to drinking. this makes me want to celebrate and cry, at the same time.
Thursday: am noticing that the same food rules apply to miss dottie and me: no chocolate, no dairy, no alcohol. thank GOD i'm allowed to eat people food...and that i didn't have my uterus removed when i was 6 months old.
Friday: went shopping with a friend. as we were walking through Macy's...

Me: so...do i look any bigger (as i attempted to position my body in a way that made me look bulkier)?
Friend: Ummm....
Me: just say it.
Friend: not really. but you'll get there! for now keep modeling the sweaters for me; they look better on small people.
Me: (sigh)...ok

Saturday: worked out on the rowing machine at the gym. totally kicked high schooler's butt who was rowing next to me. it. was. awesome.
Sunday: the sun was out and it was not freezing outside. i opened all the windows, took miss d to the dog park, and spent the day enjoying life in a body that is feeling much more at peace.

looks like the detox/meal plan might not be the second worst decision i've ever made after all.

tlk

Detox: Week 2

Monday: woke up and could barely speak, called in sick to work, called my doctor who called in an antibiotic to the pharmacy. when picking up the prescription, also bought gummy multivitamins and chewable chocolate calcium supplements (to trick my body into thinking it gets 2 pieces of candy each day). started antibiotics...got raging diarrhea. awesome.
Tuesday: dragged myself into work, croaked out some words, mostly ate according to the meal plan, dragged myself home.
Wednesday: still sick...spent 5 hours at the doctor's office while they tried to figure out why my body wasn't responding to antibiotics. after scratching his head about 10 times, my doc finally said...

Doc: well...it might be a case of inhalation chlamydia...
Me: ex-CUSE me?!!
Doc: inhalation...
Me: yep, DEFINITELY heard you the first time. listen. to. me. i haven't even been in the same room with a man that i've found remotely attractive in over a year...so it's safe to say there's NO WAY i have chlamydia of any kind.
Doc: well, inhalation chlamydia isn't transmitted sexually.
Me: there has GOT to be a better name for it then...(lord, help me!)
Doc: i'm not saying you DO have it, i just don't know why you are not getting better...
Me: (sigh)...

he put me on a z-pack and lortab cough syrup. the z-pack helped a little. the lortab helped a lot ;)
Thursday: back to work again, haven't even thought about sugar in days, tried to eat 5 meals in spite of a non-existent appetite.
Friday: worked, throat still sore, keeping up with the meal plan, miss dottie had a major diarrhea blowout in the front office at work for which i got in MAJOR trouble...(jeez)...
Saturday: had dinner with friends and didn't feel like ripping everyone's heads off as i quietly watched them all eat dessert. progress.
Sunday: spent most of the day in bed sleeping and kicking the last of my throat virus in the butt, haven't craved sugar in days, glad that, in spite of a raging virus, i did not break the meal plan by eating any 'non-allowables'...(whew)...

more next week.

tlk

Detox: Week 1

Monday: got up at 9, started the food plan, worked out, ate, ate, ate...already sick of the food plan, I e-mailed my nutritionist to find out when I get a day off the plan. she e-mailed back: "in 8 weeks".
Tuesday: successfully fought the urge to steal a french fry from the Happy Meal a client left in my office while she went to the restroom...
Wednesday: watched the rest of the staff eat a big-ass chocolate cake while celebrating Dec/Jan birthdays, tried to rationalize how to document the cake as a serving of protein on my meal plan sheet, gave up and glared at everyone instead.
Thursday: i have absolutely no memory of thursday because i was thinking about cupcakes, McDonalds, ice-cream, and candy cane Joe-Joe's from Trader Joe's.
Friday: day 5 without sugar. was a complete bitch to the 16-year-old-just-doing-his-job dude at the movie theater who wouldn't let me take my nalgene of water in with me. went home after the movie, broke my diet and ate dried apricots dipped in nutella to take the edge off. it worked (thank GOD) and i slept like a baby.
Saturday: woke up feeling like someone had taken a razor to my throat. spent the day in bed nursing my sore throat and staying away from sugar.
Sunday: throat still sore, feeling some pain in my left flank...wondering if this is reason enough to quit the meal plan...

Pro's: drastic increase in energy level, sleeping better at night, feeding my body fuel instead of sugar.
Con's: I MISS SUGAR!!!...and my throat is sore...

Will keep you posted on week two.

tlk

Detoxification

     So...i'm doing a detox. and it is torture. I have been wanting more balance in my life and my eating, sleeping, and exercise habits are are all currently unbalanced. I am a night owl with *fairly* strong insomniac tendencies and my sleep schedule (or complete lack there-of) strongly affects my appetite, the food I eat, the energy I have throughout the day, and the amount of exercising I do. As you can imagine, these imbalances have created a significant problem over the course of this past year.

     My New Year's resolution was to restore order to my body, so 10 days ago I went to see my physician and met with a nutritionist. My physician reported that I am in good health, but emphasized that I need to gain some weight (story of my life). My nutritionist, on the other hand, rocked my world. The look of horror on her face as I rattled off my daily sleep/eat schedule should have clued me in to the fact that MAJOR changes were about to be imposed.

Major changes are as follows:
1. go to bed at midnight.
2. wake up at 9am...(no matter what time i actually fall asleep the night before).
3. cardio and resistance three times a week (which I already do, so no biggie).
4. eat an UNGOLDY amount of food everyday.

     I won't bore you with the details of the food plan, except to say that I eat 5 times a day and can't remember a time when I've eaten this much. AND here are all the things I can't consume for a minimum of 4 weeks: alcohol, dairy, sugar, corn (apparently it's all sugar), bananas and apples (yep, again the sugar) or anything processed. This knocks out about 90% of what I had been eating. Oh, but I CAN eat all the vegetables that I want. awesome. let the torture begin.

recent happenings

Life has been busy. really busy. Which has been good....until i started feeling the crazy set in from too much busyness. They say pictures are worth a thousand words so, in lieu of writing a whole bunch of crap that would take a while to read through, I'm posting pictures of recent happenings. 

enjoy.

best. halloween. costume. ever.

This costume is actually a friend's 7th grade dance costume. 

Yep, i actually squeezed my 31 year-old ass into 7th grade spandex. 

T-bone's still got it.

I started my Thanksgiving day off with The Boulevard Bolt, a 5 mile race in Nashville.

This is an action shot, of course.

(i am NOT the one wearing the turkey hat...in case you were wondering...)

My friend, Heather (who IS the one wearing the turkey hat in the above picture) and I wanted to have a low-key Thanksgiving. I had no interest in slaving away for an entire day making a meal for two people. I had recently acquired a collection of crock-pots (don't ask...) and thought it would be an interesting experiment to crock-pot our entire thanksgiving dinner. And crock-pot we did. It was amazing! After an hour of prep time the night before, I plugged in all four crock-pots before heading to the race on Thanksgiving morning...and voila! Dinner was ready by 3pm. genius. At this point, I am planing on crock-potting Thanksgiving dinner from here on out. I honestly can't think of a reason not to. 

Thanksgiving Menu:

Organic Turkey with wild rice stuffing

Sweet Potatoes

Roasted Tomatoes

Roasted Asparagus

Fresh Cranberry Sauce (which, in full disclosure, was the only thing I cooked fresh on the stove top)

Chocolate Brownie Cake 

........

I also bought a new mattress (my very first brand-spankin'-new mattress) in hopes of improving my insomnia. I didn't bother to include a picture of the mattress because that would be BORING. And if there's one thing this blog is not, its boring. The jury is still out on if the mattress is helping with my insomnia...(sigh)...

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Here's a shot of Justin Bieber and me. It was the weirdest thing--I went to see a movie and there he was, right there in the middle of the concession stand area! He was really nice and posed for a picture with me. After this photo was taken, my friends started calling me a cougar...but that just makes me feel weird. I much prefer "totally-relevant-cool-enough-to-hang-with-j-beebs-kouns". 

........

I have also recently started drinking gin...which feels a *little* bit like I'm cheating on my first love, tequila. I don't really know what to say other than, change isn't always a bad thing. don't i know it. 

........

In the spirit of advent, I hope you are living your days in anticipation of a season of great joy.

All will be well,

and all will be well,

and all manner of things will be well. 

tlk

Esperanza

This past week I visited dear, dear friends in Esperanza, B.C. Esperanza is off the coast of Vancouver Island; it is remote...it is absolutely beautiful. There have been too many good things about the trip to share in this post so, for now, I will share some of my pictures with you: 

More to come...

tlk