ctrl alt delete

     You should probably stop what you are doing because I have a MAJOR announcement to make: Approximately one week ago I retired my PC and invested in a mac. A MacBook, to be exact. Anyone remotely cool did this years ago, however, I have staunchly held on to my 10-pound-hasn't-worked-in-a-year-and-i-think-it-has-a-virus laptop like my life depended on it. It was a matter of principle. My PC took me all the way through grad school, a failed marriage, and two cross-country moves. I even carried it around in a weird purse like people do with their little dogs. It is probably the only thing I have ever been securely attached to.*
     I know I am constantly giving excuses for not blogging regularly, but the fact of the matter is I have not had internet access at home for the past year. All of my internetting was done in snippets at work or on a friend's computer. It was a total pain in the ass. So, tax free weekend rolled around and I bought myself a nice little gadget.
     The only problem is that I am COMPLETELY ignorant and incompetent when it comes to anything relating to technology. I can talk about immunology or attachment theory until your eyes roll back in your head, but I barely manage to navigate the in's and out's of updating my facebook account. It's a miracle I manage to post anything on this blog. Usually when the subject of computers or iphones (or anything relating to anything technological) comes up, I get a dazed look on my face and ask questions that most elementary students can answer. My friends are kind and they typically respond as a Kindergarden teacher would to the class moron: they lower their voices, draw out their words, and send me to the guidance counselor. Or they tell me not to worry about it because it has nothing to do with email.
     I have been in bed for the past week with bronchitis, which lends itself to WAY too much down time (and prescription-strength cough syrup with codeine...but that's another story). Mac could NOT have come along at a better time...except that being without the internet for a year kind of made me forget what it's for. I check my e-mail, update my facebook status (like anyone really cares, anyway), and check the celebrity blogs that I have been without for the past year. Aaaaaaannd...then I get that dazed look on my face and start the whole process over again because I can't think of what to do next. I divulged this pattern to a friend last night and felt so stupid I sent myself to the guidance counselor. It's not that I'm unaware of my incompetence. I am COMPLETELY aware of it. Like an Alzheimer's patient that realizes she doesn't know her words anymore, but can't do anything about it. awful.
     So, here is my simple request: HELP! Send me things that you like to do and websites you like to visit. Take me by the hand a lead me into the interweb. I am ready. I am waiting...

tlk

*nerdy psychology joke